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Saturday, 5 February 2011

Do You Or Don't You?

I have a hate/love relationship with Facebook. I don't spend a lot of time on it as I prefer to read and follow blogs.

However, I was tempted to look at my daughter's page today which I'm always a little wary to do as I'm afraid of what I may find. Boy, was I right!

What did that crazy girl do!?! I was shocked and horrified.

This was my pretty little girl before the madness struck.

Why Elessa, why? Is this the reason you didn't come home for Christmas? (the girl is in Melbourne). I'm now grateful that my son won't befriend me on his Facebook page.

I ask all parents out there: do you or don't you look at your kids' Facebook pages or would you rather be blissfully unaware?


21 comments:

Bayside Rose said...

Oh Thea! My daughter was a friend of mine on Facebook (not that I use it much) until she deleted me last week. It was way too tempting to see which party or coffee shop she was at- and she lives with us!

I was a tad hurt at first but then knew it was the best idea so I do not have to go through what you are going through right now.

Elessa is a brave woman all the same. You may need to sit down and have a drink!

Take care, Pam x

Missymaomao said...

It's only hair and when I was young I did some crazy hair stuff. Now if I did it they would say I was crazy stuff.
I try and keep away form my boys face book stuff.
Less to worry about.

Kerry said...

I'm facebook friends with both my kids (22 and 25 y.o.). I'm very honoured that they think it's ok to be fb friends with their mum, and when I see stuff I'm not all that happy about I remind myself that they're adults now. And quietly go and pour myself a drink :)

Exquisite Accessories said...

Oh no Thea!! I am beginning to dislike face book more & more do they realise once up on the nett you can never get rid of it, my 12 year old daughter wants a face book account I keep telling her No NO NO!! She has been allowed to except all her friends through my face book so I can keep an eye on what they are talking about I think that's fare do you? She was sprung though I found out she set up her own face book account (big trouble) silly girl made a comment to one of her friends of course I would see.
I know it must be so hard for her as she is also the only 12 yr old in her school with no mobile phone (god am I awfull )? We have done a deal if she promises not to go on face book untill she is 13yrs she has shown me her trust & I will allow, her so far so good!!

Raine and Sage said...

Hi Thea,
My 2 & 4 year olds don't have FB yet so I can't relate as a parent in that aspect.
Don't hate me for being devils advocate, but I think your daughter is very beautiful both ways. It's just hair, and it will grow back. I've had beautiful (and very intelligent) friends when I was in my 20's shave their whole heads because they wanted to. Not even a Britney Spears inspired meltdown to blame.
Clearly she's expressing herself, and definitely a creative type. Wonder where she got that from?
Seriously I think she's gorgeous both ways. I can imagine there may be some things I wouldn't like as a parent... the youth these days can be so how do I put it... uninhibited?! :)

theoldboathouse said...

Hey Thea,She is soo lovely... I had the same haircut c. 1991 and c. 1998, so I think it looks great and she is obviously very confident and sure of herself so I think you should be proud that you created such a cool chick who is your friend too.I think Kerry is on to something, ha, cheers Katherine

Make mine Mid-Century said...

Thea,
all those wise words from all those lovely women.

They're all right ... you should pour yourself something cold and relaxing and relish in what a beautiful daughter you have ... she obviously loves you and respects you to have you on her list of FB friends ... it is only hair and, by the look of it, gorgeous and thick and will grow back in no time.

You never know, if you tell her how fabulous it looks she may vow never to do it again! (My children always do the opposite of what I want them to do!)

Leonie said...

She is still a beautiful girl, and she looks like a strong young woman. Its only hair and it will grow back. There are worse things she could do.
I choose not to look at my three teenagers fb pages. Don't know which is best, but its just a tough time, both for us and for them. We can only be there for them when they need us and try to guide them.

chair up said...

I have to admit Thea, that sight would have shocked me too had it been my daughter, but after reading some of the comments here I think I would have taken stock and agreed it's just hair and she IS still beautiful.
I am friends with my kids on fb (ages 13 and 17). They don't seem to mind and I do visit their pages from time to time. No shocks so far (sigh of relief).
Angex

Kate said...

I have shivers all over my arms. What a crazy way to find out about the radical haircut. She does look gorgeous though its besides the point. I don't do facebook at all. I think I might when my kids start though.

Posie Patchwork said...

First up, she's stunningly gorgeous, just like you!!
But . . . yikes, but it's hair, but it can grow back, but please tell me she hasn't a matching out-there tattoo!!
I don't get FaceBook, i like blogs for business & family, FB isn't my thing, i don't want fleeting thoughts or moments or snippets of anyone's live, i'd rather see them or they tell me, or put it neatly in a blog. Don't even have a clue about Tweeting.
My children won't be doing FB for security reasons & the high school has some blocker on it so they can't waste educational time on it either.
Deep breaths for when my children are grown up & go back to when they were 2 & each cut their own hair, oh dear, Thea, can she do a comb over?? Non?? Love Posie

Jay @ Finki said...

That's a really cool do Thea and if you don't like it, don't worry, it's only hair. It'll grow back.
Funny you mention FB and kids, just last week my mum joined to keep up with us all, she lasted a week before hating it enough to walk away. Said she read some things and saw some pics that she just didn't want to. Nothing horrid, just things that make you go...WHY Oh WHY.
I too have ended FB friendships with siblings for the same reason. They are a lot younger then me and anything goes, which I'm just not interested in seeing. So I'll leave them to brag to there friends and maintain our real life friendship out side of the internet.
FB...love or hate. I'm a fence sitter on that one.

Pesky Cat Designs said...

Thea, as I am sure it was not a laughing matter for you to discover this I will be honest that your post made me lol several times. But you really are so funny even when you do not mean to be. I love your honesty.
You have a very pretty daughter and she is still young and trying new things. When I was in my 20's I got my hair cut super short, like Annie Lenox, and dyed it strawberry blonde (orange). I wanted to look like David Bowie if I recall. My father was horrified and my mother tried not thinking about it.
Yes, it's only hair, as the other comments state, and it will grow back! :)
As far as facebook. I joined recently and I am finally liking it. I miss my friends that are scattered all over the world now. Seeing their new photos and hearing their news makes me feel a little closer and in touch with them. I also think the business page does help promote your product. It's a great tool and I wish I would have started it sooner.

Thea said...

Thanks ladies, your comments have been most helpful.
It took me a day to recover from the shock of first seeing this but you're all right of course; it is only hair and it will grow back.
And yes Posie, she does have tattoos and I totally love the idea of the comb over, lol.
I totally get Finki's mum and don't think I will be looking at The Girl's Facebook again anytime soon - too many partying scenes is more than my aging heart can take.
Mid-Century was right too. I should have told her that it looked fab because when I commented on FB that it was "terrifying", she and her friends "liked" my comment. Geesh, it wasn't meant to be liked.

Stephanie and Carlos said...

Oh Honey!! It is a bit shocking but you know what I really like her new hair cut. If my daughter was old enough to use FB then there would be a sit down discussion with Carlos and I about the rules. I use mine to network and stay in contact with family overseas. Our computer is always within family reach and never in our children's bedroom as it becomes an anti social behaviour.

My little sister is 18yrs and my cousin is 16yrs they are both my friends on FB and every now and again they shock me with joining grps like 'I didn't get pregnant in 2010" or when they dress like hookers OMGOLLY... or when I discover a new lip piecing... At the end of the day they know I around and ultimately they are not my children but they are my family.

You daughter is beautiful try not to take it as personal attack... She is learning who she is as woman that's a beautiful thing...

mwah mwah Coffee? xo Steph

Jennie said...

I'm on the "great hair-do!" team. I once heard a comment made about kids in their late teens/ early twenties: hair is free and it grows back. I had that hairdo when I was 25 but mine was pink and orange as well. Wouldn't do it now that I'm 32.

My mum is 'friends' with her offspring, with us being 32, 29 and 24. I wouldn't have accepted a friend request from my mum back when I was doing crazy hair stuff because I was also doing crazy after-hours stuff that I wouldn't have wanted her to know every detail about. I communicated with my mum by phone and email during those times and gave her a general picture of my life, but protected the details. One day in the next few years your daughter might decide she wants some online distance from you so she's free to express herself without feeling she's being invisibly judged (even if you're very open-minded).

When I got my first tattoo my mum told me she was appalled, and it really hurt my feelings. I wanted her to say that she loved me no matter what my body looked like. Years later, she has said she now understands why I did it and is happy for me. I would have liked to have heard that at the time, but I'm glad to have heard it now.

You can probably diminish a lot of an experimental adult child's pride in their appearance by saying "You'll always be my beautiful baby!" Especially if you say it on FB in front of all their friends. :-D

Alicia ~ time worn style said...

Love this post as my eldest just "friended" me on facebook and I started to go through her photos and then wished I hadnt ha! She has her nose pierced now so I'm hoping it will stop at that!!

NeereAnDear said...

Hi Thea... I am new to your blog... well sort of ... mostly stay in the background ... but I had to laugh when I saw this post as it reminded me so much of myself and my oldest daughter... she had the dark black hair ...an asymetrical hairdo ... black lipstick and nail polish ... and wor goth clothes ... including a dog collar with spikes ... and mind you the day I saw a tatoo on her shoulder ... I went into shock.... then I realized I was her age once ... and did my own thing to express myself too ... she will outgrow it ... her hair will come back ... it is hard to let our children go sometimes .... but they need that freedom to become who they are not who we want them to be ... they need to be able to feel as if they are in control by taking charge ... someone once told me ... if all they are doing is changing their looks and not into drugs or worse... then let them be ... they are just experiencing growing pains and trying to become independent ...

My daughter grew up ... and is absolutely gorgeous ... and would not dream of looking anything like she did before .. all will be ok ...

I agree your daughter is beautiful .. either way ... relax... have a good stiff drink ... all is not lost ...

JO

Littlemissairgap said...

I wish that I would have had the courage to do something "crazy" when I was a teenager, or at least express myself a little more. I really dislike tats on girls (except P!nk ... she rocks it) but hair is great & very forgiving & changeable! Channeling a bit of Rhianna with that hair I reckon. As for Facebook, I will be resisting that one with my kids for as long as I can :-)

madeleineomahony said...

Wow! I think her hair looks great! Remember it's only hair and it will grow back! I've done all sorts of odd things with my hair but now it is just normal! and the only reason I'm not friends with my Mum and Dad on facebook is because they haven't worked out how to use it yet!x

Vi said...

Her haircut is awesome ! Seriously I'm thinking about getting the same ! When I was living in Melbourne I also had a weird haircut but Melbourne is so visually rich and crazy that having a "non conventional" haircut is not a big deal so Melbourne is the perfect city to realize a foolish idea. And come on this is only hair, don't see any psycho symbol, this is definitely hair and only hair. Moreover growing the gap between our appearance and ownself is really good for the ego. Be proud of you : you grew up a free mind and this is a rare thing in this world ^___^

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